The Bowtie Lounge
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RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Refrigerator Man
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."
"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."
"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
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RE: The Bowtie Lounge
M&M's
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Number One Idiot of 2006 [/align][/align]I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught [/align]her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. [/align]She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the [/align]ants. [/align][/align]I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. [/align][/align]Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.[/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
[/align]Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
[/align][/align]
[/align]Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
[/align][/align]
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Joined: Jul 2006
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RE: The Bowtie Lounge
The Little Girl and the Wrinkles
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
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Joined: Jul 2006
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RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Tom the Drunk
Tom walks out of a bar, swaying back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches.
"Can I help you, fella?" asks the cop.
"Yes! Somebody stole my car!" Tom replies.
The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key!" Tom replies.
At this point, the cop looks down and sees Tom's "stuff" hanging out of his trousers.
So he asks Tom, "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself?"
Tom looks down sadly and moans, "Oh God.... they got my girlfriend too!"
Tom walks out of a bar, swaying back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches.
"Can I help you, fella?" asks the cop.
"Yes! Somebody stole my car!" Tom replies.
The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key!" Tom replies.
At this point, the cop looks down and sees Tom's "stuff" hanging out of his trousers.
So he asks Tom, "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself?"
Tom looks down sadly and moans, "Oh God.... they got my girlfriend too!"
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Joined: Jul 2006
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RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Puzzling
George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen putting together a puzzle and having a very difficult time of it. The first lady comes into the kitchen, and asks what he's doing.
Very frustrated, George says, "I'm trying to do this tiger puzzle, but I can't seem to make the pieces fit right."
Laura Bush sighs and says, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, dear, and come to bed."
George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen putting together a puzzle and having a very difficult time of it. The first lady comes into the kitchen, and asks what he's doing.
Very frustrated, George says, "I'm trying to do this tiger puzzle, but I can't seem to make the pieces fit right."
Laura Bush sighs and says, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, dear, and come to bed."