I love these, thanks for the smiles. "Keep em going".

 

My pleasure, Corvette Lady. You know for the longest time I only went to the C5 Forum . . . didn't even notice this one . . . so glad I found you all.

PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.


There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


Life is sexually transmitted.


Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again


All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"


Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."


Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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Take care, stay safe.
Rita

 

Thanks, Starship, but I can't take the credit since I don't write them - just pass them along.

Take care, stay safe.
Rita

 

Ooo, I know the answer to this one!!!!

Priceless, Rita!!! I was roarin' something serious when I read these posts.

 

Sorry I didn't delete anything that was on the edge, I just copied and pasted.

Hope I didn't offend anyone.

 

Be pretty hard to offend anyone here, my dear friend. No worries at all. I sincerely thought those were bloody funny!!!

 

Ya, well....If you didn't have such a great sence of humor, we would have missed them!

 

Oh, now, you have made me blush . . . thank you so much for your kind words.

 

And now for a Blonde joke:

Subject: Blonde Football Analysis

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They
had great seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he
asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, I saw them
flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game,
all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!"

“Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!�



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This one makes me laugh everytime I read it.
and yes, I am a blonde.

Take care, stay safe.
Rita

 

That's good , Rita!!!