The Bowtie Lounge
#411
12-05-2006, 03:23 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Foreign Policy
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at the urinals.
The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves. He says to the others, “In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.”
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean. He says, “At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.”
The third man zips up and heads straight to the door.
The Aussie says over his shoulder, “In Australia, we learn not to pee on our hands.”
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at the urinals.
The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he leaves. He says to the others, “In Yorkshire, I learned to be clean and neat.”
The second Englishman zips up, walks over to the sink and uses much less soap and water but is still very clean. He says, “At Bredford Academy, I learned to be clean and neat but still be environmentally aware.”
The third man zips up and heads straight to the door.
The Aussie says over his shoulder, “In Australia, we learn not to pee on our hands.”
#412
12-05-2006, 03:24 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Puzzling
George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen putting together a puzzle and having a very difficult time of it. The first lady comes into the kitchen, and asks what he's doing.
Very frustrated, George says, "I'm trying to do this tiger puzzle, but I can't seem to make the pieces fit right."
Laura Bush sighs and says, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, dear, and come to bed."
George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen putting together a puzzle and having a very difficult time of it. The first lady comes into the kitchen, and asks what he's doing.
Very frustrated, George says, "I'm trying to do this tiger puzzle, but I can't seem to make the pieces fit right."
Laura Bush sighs and says, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, dear, and come to bed."
#413
12-05-2006, 03:25 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: bobalou
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a
while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...
1. The bartender is a blonde woman.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
professional boxer.
4. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a
professional wrestler.
5. I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
Naa, not if I am going to have to tell it five times.
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a
while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...
1. The bartender is a blonde woman.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
professional boxer.
4. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a
professional wrestler.
5. I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
Naa, not if I am going to have to tell it five times.
Good one!! and yup, I got it the first time!
#415
12-05-2006, 05:45 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Subject: Glaucoma???
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells HIM that
She is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" HE asks
"I have a case of **** glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is **** glaucoma?"
"I can't see my *** coming into work today .
#416
12-05-2006, 05:46 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
> FROM A FARM KID AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT.
> >
> >
> > Dear Ma and Pa:
> > I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the
> >Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
> > Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are
>filled.
> >
> > I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6
> >a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
> >
> > Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot
>and
> >shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to
> >split, fire to lay. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm
> >water.
> >
> > Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,
> >bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried
> >eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can
> >always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus
>yours
> >holds you till noon when you get fed again.
> >
> > It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route
> >marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If
> >he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is
> >about as far as to our mailbox at home.
> > Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The
> >country is nice but awful flat.
> >
> > The sergeant is like a school teacher. He na gs a lot.
> > The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride
> >around and frown. They don't bother you none.
> >
> > This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
> >medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
> >chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the
>Higgett
> >boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it
>You
> >don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
> >
> > Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training.
> > You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful
> >though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull
>at
> >home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from
> >over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as
> >me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300
> >pounds dry.
> >
> > Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
>fellers
> >get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
> >
> > Your loving daughter,
> > Gail.
> >
> >
> > Dear Ma and Pa:
> > I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the
> >Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
> > Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are
>filled.
> >
> > I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6
> >a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
> >
> > Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot
>and
> >shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to
> >split, fire to lay. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm
> >water.
> >
> > Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,
> >bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried
> >eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can
> >always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus
>yours
> >holds you till noon when you get fed again.
> >
> > It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route
> >marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If
> >he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is
> >about as far as to our mailbox at home.
> > Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The
> >country is nice but awful flat.
> >
> > The sergeant is like a school teacher. He na gs a lot.
> > The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride
> >around and frown. They don't bother you none.
> >
> > This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
> >medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
> >chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the
>Higgett
> >boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it
>You
> >don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
> >
> > Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training.
> > You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful
> >though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull
>at
> >home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from
> >over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as
> >me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300
> >pounds dry.
> >
> > Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
>fellers
> >get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
> >
> > Your loving daughter,
> > Gail.
#417
12-05-2006, 07:43 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
*thumps on desk* Bwaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!! Oh goodness, those are gems Rita!! I really loved the letter home!! Too funny. Thanks for postin' these puppies for us all to larf at today!
#418
12-05-2006, 11:13 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Rita and T.S., you two have totaly wiped me out today, great posts!The letter home.......really hits home! Takes me back to my youth!
Gail could have been my sister!Rednecks, unite, and let's take care of the prob![sm=icon_rock.gif]
