Rectum

Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were.

"Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the a$$!"

"Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum."

"Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

 

One day Adam and Eve notice God...

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag.

"Hi, God. What's in the bag?" asked Eve.

"These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in." God rummages around in the bag a moment. "Okay who wants to be able to pee standing up?"

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. "Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help so much when I'm out hunting! Oh, please, please, please let me have it!"

"Well, all right," says God. "Now, let's see what we have for you, Eve." God rummages about a bit more in the bag.

"Ah, right. Multiple orgasms."

 

A Mall Order

An Amish woman and her son are walking through a mall for the first time, totally stunned by everything they see.

They are especially fascinated by two silver walls which slide together and then apart.

They both walk up closer to the sliding silver walls. They see a fat, little old man waddle inside and watch as the doors close behind her.

The mother and son can't believe their eyes when minutes later, the silver doors open and a tall, well-built stud strides out.

The mother then turns to the son and says, "Son, go and get your father."

 

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil...

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

 

You Might Be A Redneck If...

You might be a redneck if your senior prom had daycare.

 

Oh this is ripe!!.....

Wedding Cake

 

......or your date was "in" daycare!

 

*checks "Redneck How-To Manual"* Yep! That's in there, bro!

 

LMFAO!!!....Had to read the last line twice, went over my head the first time...but that was a good one.

 

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A pengiun takes his car to a mechanic to have it checked out. The mechanic tells him it will be about an hour. The pengiun decides to go across the street to the Ice Cream Parlor to have himself a cone while he waits. Well pengiuns don't have hands so the poor little guy gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he goes back across the street to check on his car the mechanic says,

"It looks like you blew a seal,"

The Pengiun looks back at him and says, "no that just a little ice cream."