ORIGINAL: PAY2PLAY

LMFAO!!!....Had to read the last line twice, went over my head the first time...but that was a good one.

ORIGINAL: PAY2PLAY

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A pengiun takes his car to a mechanic to have it checked out. The mechanic tells him it will be about an hour. The pengiun decides to go across the street to the Ice Cream Parlor to have himself a cone while he waits. We pengiuns don't have hands so the poor little guy gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he goes back across the street to check on his car the mechanic says,

"It looks like you blew a seal,"

The Pengiun looks back at him and says, "no that just a little ice cream."

ORIGINAL: blueshark
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

ORIGINAL: blueshark

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates.



"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess

something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."



The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on.

"It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.



The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates."



The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"



The man replied, "These are Carols."



And So The Holiday Season Begins...



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ORIGINAL: rjensen

For My Democratic Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year