The Bowtie Lounge
#481
01-09-2007, 10:56 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: blueshark
Subject: Her Diary - His Diary
Subject: Her Diary - His Diary
Been there! So.......
what's "Prairie *******"?[sm=WTFsgign.gif]I'm "old wave"!
I go prairie doggin' with a .22! 
#482
01-09-2007, 02:30 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: blueshark
Subject: Her Diary - His Diary
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans
to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but
he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly,
and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he
didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and
watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to
my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted,
and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that
his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Missed a big deer today, but at least I got laid.....
Subject: Her Diary - His Diary
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans
to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but
he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly,
and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he
didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and
watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to
my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted,
and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that
his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Missed a big deer today, but at least I got laid.....
#483
01-09-2007, 02:31 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
what's "Prairie *******"?[sm=WTFsgign.gif]I'm "old wave"!I go prairie doggin' with a .22!
what's "Prairie *******"?[sm=WTFsgign.gif]I'm "old wave"!
I go prairie doggin' with a .22!
You crack me right up, dude!Yeh, I am curious, too. What is this "prairie *******" that is referred to herein??
#484
01-09-2007, 06:59 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Good Sport
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain it to your mother."
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain it to your mother."
#485
01-09-2007, 07:08 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Wedding Hells
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,†the man began, “I can explain.â€
“Quiet!†snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.â€
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,â€
“And I said be quiet! You’re going to jail!â€
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you, the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding so he’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.â€
“Don’t count on it,†answered the guy in the cell. “I’m the groom.â€
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,†the man began, “I can explain.â€
“Quiet!†snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.â€
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,â€
“And I said be quiet! You’re going to jail!â€
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you, the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding so he’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.â€
“Don’t count on it,†answered the guy in the cell. “I’m the groom.â€
#486
01-09-2007, 07:12 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
What Men Want
- More beer. More cheese. More sex.
- Vitamin fortified cigars.
- Public beer fountains.
- Kitty catapults.
- All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
- Wet T-shirt Fridays.
- Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
- Rocket boots.
- Machine gun camp.
- NASA space shuttle races.
- Sledgehammer boxing.
- Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
- Congressional pie fights.
- Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
- More beer. More cheese. More sex.
- Tomahawk missile surf boards.
- Hot tub jury boxes.
- Nacho cheese lipstick.
- Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
- New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.
- 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
- More beer. More cheese. More sex.
- Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.
- Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
- Beef jerky business cards.
- Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
- National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.
- Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.
- Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.
- Karaoke "ejector" stages.
- Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.
- The Astronaut Reserves.
- Porno without all the "talking" filler.
- Head banging elevated to "fine art".
- All money spent on women tax deductible!
- Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.
- Passports to Margaritaville.
- The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.
- One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.
- More beer. More cheese. More sex.
- Vitamin fortified cigars.
- Public beer fountains.
- Kitty catapults.
- All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
- Wet T-shirt Fridays.
- Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
- Rocket boots.
- Machine gun camp.
- NASA space shuttle races.
- Sledgehammer boxing.
- Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
- Congressional pie fights.
- Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
- More beer. More cheese. More sex.
- Tomahawk missile surf boards.
- Hot tub jury boxes.
- Nacho cheese lipstick.
- Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
- New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.
- 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
- More beer. More cheese. More sex.
- Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.
- Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
- Beef jerky business cards.
- Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
- National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.
- Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.
- Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.
- Karaoke "ejector" stages.
- Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.
- The Astronaut Reserves.
- Porno without all the "talking" filler.
- Head banging elevated to "fine art".
- All money spent on women tax deductible!
- Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.
- Passports to Margaritaville.
- The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.
- One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.
#488
01-09-2007, 09:09 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Well Dave when you go prairie ******* with your .22 you have to wait for the prairie dog to poke his head out of the hole right?Consider that annalogy in conjunction with"Surreptitious flatulence" and what might be poking out of the hole. major cause of "Skid marks"....OOOPS!!
#489
01-09-2007, 09:17 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Subject: Sensible Statements[/align] [/align]1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in
[/align]his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
[/align]--Author Unknown
[/align]2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
[/align]do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and
[/align]"Keep away from children."
[/align]--Author Unknown
[/align]3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support [/align][/align]group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
[/align]--Drew Carey
[/align][/align]4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
[/align]job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the
[/align]end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
[/align]--Jeff Foxworthy
[/align]5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
[/align]an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
[/align]considering if there is a man on base."
[/align]--Dave Barry
[/align]6)
[/align]"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
[/align]treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
[/align]they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay,
[/align]the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
[/align]--Bob Ettinger
[/align]7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out
[/align]in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying
[/align]to teach you how to swim.'"
[/align]--Paula Poundstone
[/align]8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
[/align]skills than men. I
[/align]just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
[/align]--Conan O'Brien
[/align]9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through
[/align]my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
[/align]--Lynda Montgomery
[/align]10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New
[/align]York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
[/align]cold enough. Let's go west.'"
[/align]--Richard Jeni
[/align]11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
[/align]would be dead."
[/align][/align]--Johnny Carson
[/align]12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
[/align]--Paul Rodriguez
[/align]13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty
[/align]and that's the law."
[/align]--Jerry Seinfeld
[/align]14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of
[/align]fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to
[/align]tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
[/align]--Warren Hutcherson
[/align]15) "Bigamy is having one
[/align]wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
[/align]--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress..
[/align]But I repeat myself."
[/align]--Mark Twain
[/align]17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
[/align]least they can find Afghanistan."
[/align]--A. Whitney Brown
[/align]18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
[/align]you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
[/align]that!'"
[/align]--Dave Barry
[/align]19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow
[/align]Disease" was taken.
[/align]--Unknown, presumed deceased
[/align]20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have
[/align]another beer."
[/align]- W. C. Fields
[/align]And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English
[/align]his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
[/align]--Author Unknown
[/align]2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
[/align]do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and
[/align]"Keep away from children."
[/align]--Author Unknown
[/align]3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support [/align][/align]group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
[/align]--Drew Carey
[/align][/align]4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
[/align]job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the
[/align]end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
[/align]--Jeff Foxworthy
[/align]5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
[/align]an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
[/align]considering if there is a man on base."
[/align]--Dave Barry
[/align]6)
[/align]"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
[/align]treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
[/align]they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay,
[/align]the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
[/align]--Bob Ettinger
[/align]7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out
[/align]in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying
[/align]to teach you how to swim.'"
[/align]--Paula Poundstone
[/align]8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
[/align]skills than men. I
[/align]just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
[/align]--Conan O'Brien
[/align]9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through
[/align]my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
[/align]--Lynda Montgomery
[/align]10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New
[/align]York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
[/align]cold enough. Let's go west.'"
[/align]--Richard Jeni
[/align]11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
[/align]would be dead."
[/align][/align]--Johnny Carson
[/align]12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
[/align]--Paul Rodriguez
[/align]13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty
[/align]and that's the law."
[/align]--Jerry Seinfeld
[/align]14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of
[/align]fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to
[/align]tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
[/align]--Warren Hutcherson
[/align]15) "Bigamy is having one
[/align]wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
[/align]--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress..
[/align]But I repeat myself."
[/align]--Mark Twain
[/align]17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
[/align]least they can find Afghanistan."
[/align]--A. Whitney Brown
[/align]18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
[/align]you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
[/align]that!'"
[/align]--Dave Barry
[/align]19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow
[/align]Disease" was taken.
[/align]--Unknown, presumed deceased
[/align]20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have
[/align]another beer."
[/align]- W. C. Fields
[/align]And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English