Three Ducks walk into a bar.......



"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,
and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."

 

Oh no Bro....ya got me bad on that one.[sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=happybounce.gif][sm=happybounce.gif][sm=icon_rofl.gif][sm=icon_rofl.gif][sm=icon_rofl.gif]

 

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one, and goes over to the
counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades....

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I
can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a
six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB test line.
It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only
$20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card
drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is
really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could
tell who it was.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on
sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel IS $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

 

Alright Blueshark.......now you've had it.....
How many kinds ofanimals can you find in a pair of panty hose?
C'mon....guess........give up?

Ten little piggys...
Two dogs....
Acouple of calfs.....
An a$$.....
Several hares....
A poo$ee.....
and a fish, nobody can find.

 

Bwwwwaaaahhhh!!! That's a pretty busy pair of hose, eh? hate to have to clean 'em out though. yyeeeeoooww!

 

Hey, bro, at least you'd be sleepin' with our Vette!! Dang, that don't sound half bad, really...

An' I promise, bro, youse come up here, I put the spicy buritto's down. For the duration of your visit. I have some class, you know. Not much, but some...

HA!

 

Bada ZZZZZZZZZZING! Bwaaaaahahahaha!!!

 

Subject: Blondes are not dumb[/align]







[/align][/align]
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractiveblonde woman from Kentucky arrived .and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000)on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on,baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... And squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers... And then picked up her winnings and herclothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral ---

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men..... Are still men. [/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]

 

Subject: Montana Golf

Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to
take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while playing on
Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forests Golf Courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little
bells on their clothing to alert, but not to startle the bears
unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter
with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear
activity.

Golfers should be able to recognize the difference between black bear
and grizzly bear droppings on the golf course.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly
squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

 

A talking bear comes into the bar after a hard day on the golf course, smelling of pepper spray, plops his wide hairy hiney on a stool and says " Barkeep, I'll have a beer". The bartender comes over, wipes the counter and replied "Sir, I'm sorry, we don't serve bears beer here at Billy's Bar". This sort of rampant prejudice was wrong, so the bear decided to stand on his rights. "I said, I'll have a beer!". The bartender once again replied "Sir, I'm still sorry, but we don't serve bears beer here at Billy's Bar". Mr. Bear is irrate, leaps to his feet, stalks down to the end of the bar, grabs a middle-aged woman sitting there, rips her head off, stuffs it in his mouth and comes back chewing! "Now ya' gone to serve me a beer or what!!!" Bartender sadly shakes his head and says " Sir, I told you that we don't serve bears beer here at Billy's Bar, especially now that you're on drugs." "Drugs?" replied the bear.

"Yes," said the Bartender, " that was a bar-bit*h-you-ate"