[sm=icon_rofl.gif][sm=icon_rofl.gif]O.K. you two.......

A NICE WHOLESOME OLD FASHIONED STORY

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled one out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?
"No!" Donald quacked,
"What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"

 

Subject: New Recommendation for Business Phones

How all business phones should answer...

GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Press "1" forEnglish.
Press "2" to disconnect until you have learned to speak English.

Have a nice day!

 

Merrie Melodies?

Mickey and Minnie are in divorce court. the judge asks Mikey to stand as he gives his decision.

Judge: Mr. Mouse I have listened to all of the testimony and I fail to see any evidence to support your claim and cannot in good conscience grant you a divorce on the grounds that Mrs. Mouse is mentally unstable.

Mickey: I never said she was mentally unstable..she's committing adultry......like I said,.... she isf'ing Goofy.

 

*thumps on desk* Bwaaaaaahahahha!! Now, that's how to roll out a Wednesday, them thar jokes were right funny!!!

 

Not Going To Try This Again

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

 

Chicken and egg are lying in...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking very frustrated.

The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

 

[sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=icon_rofl.gif]

 

[/align][/align]
[/align]
[/align][/align]~Play Ball~[/align][align=left]Bill and Hillary are at theYankee season opener sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head.

The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it!

Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the
field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You @#$!&&&&&&&&*%$%** !!!..

The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I
would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

"You were supposed to throw the First Pitch" [/align][/align]

 

*thud, falls outta chair*











BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh Lordy, bro!!! *wipes tears from eyes* Now, THAT'S comedy gold!

 

Motivational Quotes for Cannibals

"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."

"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."

"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."

"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."

"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."

"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."

"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."

"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."

"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."

"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."

"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."