A joke from a military shooter site I frequent. enjoy

Three men and a Genie

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Marine are all working together one day.
They come across a lantern ....

And a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan,Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land."

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Marine says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feetthick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out;it's virtually impenetrable."

The Marine sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, "Fill it with water."

hooorahh!!!

 

hahaha i have heard that joke before but it was Saddam Hussein

 

How do they catch up if they make a mistake and have to erase?

Talk about fast writin' - what happens when a year turns over?

What about 'time out' for sharpenin' the pencil?

 

Little Johnny and Billy had developed potty-mouths. Mommy and Daddy warned 'em over and over again, but the language got worse and worse. Finally the law was laid, and warnings were given one night before bedtime.

The next morning, little Johnny and Billy were sittin' at the table ready to eat breakfast. Mommy came over to the table carryin' juice, and asked Johnny what he wanted to eat.

"Gimme' some f#$%^ ' corn flakes." POW! Mommy reached over and smacked 'im so hard he flew outta' the chair into the corner.

Then Mommy looked at Billy, and asked him what he wanted for breakfast.

"I don't know, but I don'twant any G*# D&^% corn flakes."

 

Gotta' be some sharp scissors to cut the brown racin' stripe outta' the middle!

 

Irish!And German!

 

 

Toilet Cleaning Instructions:
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.Never mind the noises that come from the toilet,the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times.This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse '.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between thebathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can,and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where it will dry itself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely, The Dog

 

hope this is a new one
10 Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer:

[ol][*]The monitor is up on blocks[*]Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them[*]The six front keys have rotted out[*]The extra RAM slots have Dodge Truck parts stored in them[*]The numeric keypad only goes up to six[*]The password is BUBBA[*]There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU[*]There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive[*]The keyboard is camouflaged[*]And, the best way to tell if a REDNECK has been working on a computer is...... The Mouse is referred to as a 'Critter'[/ol]

 

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You have a crush on your neighbor's goat.