The Bowtie Lounge
#111
09-07-2006, 04:06 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
HERE ONE
The world's smartest man?
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."
"You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."
The world's smartest man?
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."
"You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."
#112
09-07-2006, 04:17 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ALL your guys' posts cracked me right up!! 
Funny stuff, guys!
Oooooooooooo, you like W jokes, eh, bro??? A'ight!!! INCOMING!!
The Bush Stamp
The Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Bush. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side
Funny stuff, guys!
ORIGINAL: corvette king
SCOYY BAHAHAHHBABBAHHABHAH THATS IS REALLY GOOD ONE, ANY JOKE WITH BUSH IS A GOOS ONE
SCOYY BAHAHAHHBABBAHHABHAH THATS IS REALLY GOOD ONE, ANY JOKE WITH BUSH IS A GOOS ONE
The Bush Stamp
The Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Bush. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side
#113
09-07-2006, 04:18 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Oooh God, here's another one!!!
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
#114
09-07-2006, 04:22 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Now, that's Funny!!!
Just think tho, I Carry had been elected, people would be Pi$$in' on the "right" side!!!
!!!Just think tho, I Carry had been elected, people would be Pi$$in' on the "right" side!!!
#115
09-07-2006, 04:27 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
Now, that's Funny!!!
Just think tho, I Carry had been elected, people would be Pi$$in' on the "right" side!!!
Now, that's Funny
!!!Just think tho, I Carry had been elected, people would be Pi$$in' on the "right" side!!!
Man, my sides are bustin' from this one!!
[hr]
California's Letter of Secession
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addi! tion, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)
Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You get... well, w! hy don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)
We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
#117
09-07-2006, 05:16 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Good-by and good riddance, Californicate!
The Southern spirit will rise again,Yeeee......Haaawww!!!
I'm goin' to Idaho and make my stand. City liberals watch your step if you come to "Mr." God's country!!! [sm=shootshoot.gif]
As for the French, now there's a bright people!
Sold the whole south and mid-west for what, 3 Cents an acre?
The Southern spirit will rise again,Yeeee......Haaawww!!!
I'm goin' to Idaho and make my stand. City liberals watch your step if you come to "Mr." God's country!!!
[sm=shootshoot.gif]As for the French, now there's a bright people!
Sold the whole south and mid-west for what, 3 Cents an acre?
#118
09-07-2006, 06:16 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: TopSpeed
Oooh God, here's another one!!!
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
Oooh God, here's another one!!!
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
#119
09-07-2006, 06:30 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
That's great!!! LOL-LOL
ORIGINAL: TopSpeed
Oooh God, here's another one!!!
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
Oooh God, here's another one!!!
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
[sm=hail.gif][sm=americanasmiley.gif]
#120
09-07-2006, 06:48 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
HERE ONE
You won't go to jail
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn�t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don�t worry. You�ll never have to go to jail with all that money.� And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn�t have a dime.
You won't go to jail
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn�t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don�t worry. You�ll never have to go to jail with all that money.� And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn�t have a dime.