*thumps on desk* Bwaaahahah!! These are beaut's guys!! Don't stop!!!

A SC Trooper stooped a little old grandma after she had turned onto I-20. He noticed that she was going extremely slow and was a clear road hazard. So the trooper pulls over the grandma, walks up to the car...

Trooper - "Ma'am, is everything alright. You're going awefully slow for this street and I'm scared you're going to get hit in the rear."

Grandma - "Well officer the signs says I-20 and I didn't want to get a ticket for speeding! I was doing 22, I thought that would be too fast!"

Trooper - *trying not to laugh* "Ma'am, I-20 is the name of the road. If you look over there," pointing to a 70mph speed limit sign, "the speed limit on this interstate is 70mph. Please speed it up for your own safety."

Grandma - "Yes officer, I'll remember that's the road."

As he walks back to his patrol car, his gut tells him something is still wrong. So he signals for grandma to stay on the shoulder and walks back up to the car. After inspecting the passengers, he noticed two of them are pale and the third one pee'd in her pants.

Trooper - "Are you ladies OK? You don't look like you're doing so well."

Grandma2 - "If you think she was going slow here officer, you should have stopped her earlier. We just got off of Highway 161!"

 

A Blonde, Redhead, and a Brunette sit down at the bar to order drinks. The bartender asked the Redhead, " what can I get for you?" She says, " I'll have a C. L.,please." "What's a C. L.?", the bartender asks. She says, "A Coors Light.... Duh!" He now asks the Brunette, "and what can I get for you?" She replies, "I'll have an M. L., please." He asks, " what's an M. L.?". "It's a Miller Light.... Duh," she spouts. Next he asks the Blonde, " and what can I get for you?" She says, " I'll have a 15, please". "Now what in the hell is a 15?", he responds. She replies, " a 7 & 7.... Duh".

 

I'd say I was more surprised, I don't think kitty had a clue that anything happend. Just, LIGHTS OUT!!!

 

LOL *ba dum pump, tish*

 

ROFL!!!! That was a bad day for kitty!!!!

[hr]
Alright, here we are, on a Wednesday an' all... time for a larf. Or a groan, dependin'..... LOL


There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car. They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.

The first bee said, "Dont worry, I'll give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank."

It worked, for a couple of miles that is, until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same. Once again the car broke down.

The squirrel said, "I'll pee in the tank!!"

The man replied, "Sorry mate, this car only runs on BP!"

 

Since we bought our 'Vette, the notion of gettin' a John Deere is patently out the window. Had to do SOMETHIN' to mow the lawn... came up with this.

 

BP, Very Punny!!!

 

This one could also be named "0 to divorce in less than 6 seconds"....

[hr]
A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

 

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real....Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive....On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to he door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"....He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.".....



"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented....The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door".............
He does as he is told and is met by another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".......


He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.... He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him........As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
(scroll down)


























GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!

 

YO................ HO............HO..............

Confucius say, " A short cow in tall grass, is an UTTER DRAG".