O. K......It's still Tuesday, here goes....
At the doctor's office.....
A gorgeous young Redhead goes into the doctor's office, and said that her body hurt where ever
she touched it.
"Imposible" says the doctor. "Show me!"
The Redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast, and screamed.
Then she pushed on her ebow and screamed even more, then her knee, her ankle, every where she souched, she screamed.
The doctor said, "You're not really a Redhead, are you?"
"Well, no", she said, "I'm actually a blonde".
"I thought so," said the doctor, "Your finger is broken!"

 

Bada zzzzzzzzzzzzing!!! Hoh, dude, that was a funny, uh, groaner.

[hr]
UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature,
law and social conditions

-OR-

give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
only one answer)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is
on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north
called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called
George, the last one being George the
Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory
of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National
Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of
Dynamic Equilibrium

-OR-

spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story
building located?

17. Which part of America produces the
most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math.
If you have three apples how many apples
do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.)
stand for?

*You must answer three or more questions
correctly to qualify*

 

Speaking with the general
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

 

I just marked them all true. Does that count?

 

[sm=funnypostabove.gif]
Yer in like Flynn, bro!

 

Car Trouble.....
A blonde pushes her BMW into a service station. She tells the guy that it died.
After he works on it a few minutes, it is idling soothly.
She says, "What's the story"?
He replies, "Just crap in the carburator".
She asks, "How often should I do that"?

 

HOH!!!!

We had a buddy, light years ago, who used to drop his cigarette in the carb..... [:-] We had to pull the heads before we flashed it and take 'em all out etc. later, but... I can't help but wonder if he came close to bein' associated with a BBQ sammich.

Personally, I think a nice healthy poop is a much safer course of action.

 

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil...

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

 

Tight Skirt, Bus Stop

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

 

Those are both great!!![sm=funnypostabove.gif][sm=happybounce.gif]