The Bowtie Lounge
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
River walk....
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes upon a river and sees another blond on the other side.
"Yoo, Hoo", she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up and then down the river, and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!"
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes upon a river and sees another blond on the other side.
"Yoo, Hoo", she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up and then down the river, and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!"
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Speeding Ticket
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks very nicely, if he can see her driver's licence.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys caould get your act together. Just yesterday, you took my licence
away, and then today you expect me to show it to you".
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks very nicely, if he can see her driver's licence.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys caould get your act together. Just yesterday, you took my licence
away, and then today you expect me to show it to you".
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her phone failed to ring when her friends
called, and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telepnone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or a senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked up his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but the dog moaned and the phone began to ring.
Clumbing down from the pole, the repairman found;
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was recieving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that, some probs CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
called, and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telepnone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or a senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked up his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but the dog moaned and the phone began to ring.
Clumbing down from the pole, the repairman found;
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was recieving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that, some probs CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Wally world humor.
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Proverbs - Finished by 6 year olds
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!
1. Don't change horses............................... until they stop running.
2. Strike while the......................................... bug is close.
3. Its always darkest before....................... Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of........... termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but................. how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...................... looks dirty.
7. No news is...................... impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a....................................Mister.
9. You can't teach an old dog new .................. math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ............... stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust...............me.
12. The pen is mightier than the..................... pigs.
13. An idle mind is..................................... the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's................ pollution.
15. Happy the bride who...................... gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ........................................ not much.
17. Two's company, three's ............................. the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what.......................... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry........... and you have to blow your nose
20. There are none so blind as........................ Stevie Wonder
21. Children should be seen and not ......................spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed........................ get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you............... see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind............... get out of the way.
25. Better late than.................................... pregnant
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!
1. Don't change horses............................... until they stop running.
2. Strike while the......................................... bug is close.
3. Its always darkest before....................... Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of........... termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but................. how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...................... looks dirty.
7. No news is...................... impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a....................................Mister.
9. You can't teach an old dog new .................. math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ............... stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust...............me.
12. The pen is mightier than the..................... pigs.
13. An idle mind is..................................... the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's................ pollution.
15. Happy the bride who...................... gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ........................................ not much.
17. Two's company, three's ............................. the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what.......................... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry........... and you have to blow your nose
20. There are none so blind as........................ Stevie Wonder
21. Children should be seen and not ......................spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed........................ get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you............... see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind............... get out of the way.
25. Better late than.................................... pregnant