The Bowtie Lounge
#561
01-24-2007, 01:59 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Making a Confession
A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, 'No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, 'No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
#562
01-24-2007, 02:03 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
All-Purpose Excuse Form Letter
All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you've gotten in. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be!
Dear:
a) Mom,
b) Dad,
c) Love of my life,
d) Assistant Principal,
e) Local Police Chief,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
a) car
b) house
c) pet
d) espresso maker
e) left arm
was severely damaged by my
a) infantile
b) puerile
c) inept
d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
e) woefully under-appreciated
prank.
How could I have known that the
a) car
b) jet ski
c) large helium balloon
d) rodent-driven sledge
e) zamboni
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your
a) house,
b) wife,
c) Cub Scout troop,
d) 1/16th-sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete
with torch-light,
e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,
you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to
a) imagine.
b) fathom.
c) comprehend.
d) appreciate.
e) pay for.
And I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to
a) hate me.
b) sue me.
c) spank me.
d) take my firstborn.
e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the
fish in your koi pond.
But I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at
a) school.
b) work.
c) church.
d) the bowling alley.
e) the municipal jail.
And to remember that I am first and foremost your
a) friend.
b) child.
c) sibling.
d) lease co-signer.
e) only possible match should you ever need a
bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that
a) was so stupid.
b) was so silly.
c) would have been funny if it worked.
d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
e) I'm going to use again on someone else.
Sincerely,
Me.
All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you've gotten in. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be!
Dear:
a) Mom,
b) Dad,
c) Love of my life,
d) Assistant Principal,
e) Local Police Chief,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
a) car
b) house
c) pet
d) espresso maker
e) left arm
was severely damaged by my
a) infantile
b) puerile
c) inept
d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
e) woefully under-appreciated
prank.
How could I have known that the
a) car
b) jet ski
c) large helium balloon
d) rodent-driven sledge
e) zamboni
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your
a) house,
b) wife,
c) Cub Scout troop,
d) 1/16th-sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete
with torch-light,
e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,
you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to
a) imagine.
b) fathom.
c) comprehend.
d) appreciate.
e) pay for.
And I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to
a) hate me.
b) sue me.
c) spank me.
d) take my firstborn.
e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the
fish in your koi pond.
But I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at
a) school.
b) work.
c) church.
d) the bowling alley.
e) the municipal jail.
And to remember that I am first and foremost your
a) friend.
b) child.
c) sibling.
d) lease co-signer.
e) only possible match should you ever need a
bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that
a) was so stupid.
b) was so silly.
c) would have been funny if it worked.
d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
e) I'm going to use again on someone else.
Sincerely,
Me.
#563
01-25-2007, 01:12 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
.......there's no paper!"
AAAHHHHHHHHH......HHHAAAAAAA.....HHAAAAA!!!: D
(*hic*) That's funny!!!
AAAHHHHHHHHH......HHHAAAAAAA.....HHAAAAA!!!: D(*hic*) That's funny!!!
#564
01-25-2007, 01:21 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
.......there's no paper!"
AAAHHHHHHHHH......HHHAAAAAAA.....HHAAAAA!!!: D
(*hic*) That's funny!!!
.......there's no paper!"
AAAHHHHHHHHH......HHHAAAAAAA.....HHAAAAA!!!: D(*hic*) That's funny!!!
aaaahhhhaaaaa......"Bless me Father, for I have sinned......."
#565
01-25-2007, 07:19 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Subject: Not my dog[/align][/align]
[/align]I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE
COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
Sign You're Driving Too Fast.......
[/align]
[IMG]local://upfiles/2390/C80485A8B5C3406AAAF9C2C86965F42E.jpg[/IMG]
#567
01-25-2007, 07:48 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: rjensen
Subject: Not my dog[/align][/align]
[/align]I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE
COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
Sign You're Driving Too Fast.......
[/align]
[IMG]local://upfiles/2390/C80485A8B5C3406AAAF9C2C86965F42E.jpg[/IMG]
Subject: Not my dog[/align][/align]
[/align]I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE
COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
Sign You're Driving Too Fast.......
[/align]
[IMG]local://upfiles/2390/C80485A8B5C3406AAAF9C2C86965F42E.jpg[/IMG]
#570
01-27-2007, 01:30 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
TEN THINGS TO PONDER FOR 2007
#10 Life is sexually transmitted.
#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die
#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich.
#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a
person to use the internet and they won't bother you for
weeks.
#6 Some people are like a slinky.. not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove
them down the stairs.
#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the
hospital dying of nothing
#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.
#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
#10 Life is sexually transmitted.
#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die
#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich.
#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a
person to use the internet and they won't bother you for
weeks.
#6 Some people are like a slinky.. not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove
them down the stairs.
#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the
hospital dying of nothing
#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.
#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.