Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
[/align]"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away.[/align][/align]Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.[/align][/align]"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.[/align][/align]Ashort way down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf yet again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.[/align][/align]"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf."[/align][/align]With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, Little girl! I'm trying to take a **** here!"[/align]

 

*thumps on desk* Bwaaaaaaaahahahahaha!! George, you've been busy in the Lounge here, and for that I thank you good sir!!!

 

Job Application

This is an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald's. They hired him.

NAME - Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY - $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION - Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD - Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY - Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT - My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING - It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK - Any.

PREFERRED HOURS - 1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

 

Comfortable

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly."

 

Bullwinkle

Q: What are the two main political parties in Canada?

A: Moose and Squirrel

 

Duuuuh Dumb Jock

He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport Left," and he turned around and went home.

 

O. K. .............I had to read it a few times.............com....for....ta.....ble!
That was good Bro!!!

 

Oh, make NO mistake; I had to read it over a few times, myself!!

 

Sooooo........which party do you affiliate with?.........I'm bettin', Moose!

 

The Moose is Loose, dude!!!