The Scott's Pocket Watch

These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them then pulls out an expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time.

"That's a fine watch you got there!" says the other.

"Yeah it is, isn't it? I got it from my grandfather," says the guy with the watch.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed."

 

Do you know the difference??

Do you know the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

One less drunk!

 

Southern Hospitality-Airplane Style

Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a plane. One is a Yankee and the other, a Southern Belle. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So where y'all from?"

The Yankee turns her steely gaze to the Southern Belle and replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

Silence ensues and the flight continues until a few minutes later when the Southern Belle again turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

 

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

 

Subject: Taking a Tinkle
>
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach.
>
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother.
>
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the
daughter.The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.
>
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
>
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said
the >mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came >out."
>
"No," said the boy, "I was taking a tinkle and I shot the dog."

 

*thumps on desk* Bwaaaahahahhaa!!! Good one, Rita! I roared!!

 

poor dog!

 

[sm=happybounce.gif]You guys..!!!

Ending a sentence with a preposition, is something, up with which, I will not put!
(a quote from my old english teacher)

At 16, I'd hope he isn't shootin' blanks!
(maybe that would be better, after all )

 

10 FINKERS[/align]
[/align]
Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to da emergency room in da Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norske doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." [/align]
[/align]
Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers." [/align]
[/align]
"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2007 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?" [/align]
[/align]
Ole says......."How vas I suppose to pick dem up?[/align]

 

*thumps on desk* Bwaaaaaahahahahah!! That was was great, George!!!