The Bowtie Lounge
#711
03-29-2007, 01:50 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Panda Bear
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
#712
03-29-2007, 01:50 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Misguided
A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
"We're lost!" One of the hikers complained.
"And you said you were the best guide in the United States."
"I am," the guide answered, " but I think we may have wandered into Canada."
A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
"We're lost!" One of the hikers complained.
"And you said you were the best guide in the United States."
"I am," the guide answered, " but I think we may have wandered into Canada."
#713
03-29-2007, 01:52 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Elvis vs. Jesus
- JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
- JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
- JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
- JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
- JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
- JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
- JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
- JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37) ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)
- JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights. ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)
- JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
- "[JESUS'] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3) ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
- JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)
- JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) ELVIS surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)
- JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters. ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.
- JESUS had his famous Resurrection. ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
- JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land. ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.
- JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
- JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
- JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
- JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
- JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
- JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
- JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
- JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37) ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)
- JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights. ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)
- JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
- "[JESUS'] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3) ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
- JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)
- JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) ELVIS surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)
- JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters. ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.
- JESUS had his famous Resurrection. ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
- JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land. ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.
#714
03-29-2007, 01:54 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Top Ten... Sleeping at Desk
10) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9) "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7) "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6) "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5) "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?"
4) "Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3) "The coffee machine is broken..."
2) "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."
1) ".....in Jesus' name, Amen."
10) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9) "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7) "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6) "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5) "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?"
4) "Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3) "The coffee machine is broken..."
2) "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."
1) ".....in Jesus' name, Amen."
#717
03-29-2007, 11:41 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
O.K. Y'all got me good! Take this you....
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from a grocery with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog
biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
