The Bowtie Lounge
#724
04-08-2007, 11:52 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
In Honor of Stupid People . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."(but, it's just [/u]a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
[font="comic sans ms"][color=navy][size=2][font="comic sans ms"][size=2][font="comic sans ms"][size=2][color=blue][font=arial][color=blue][size=4][font=arial][color=blue][size=4][font="comic sans ms"][size=2][font=arial][color=blue][size=4][font="comic sans ms"][size=2]
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- [font=arial]"Warning: May cause drowsiness."[/fon
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."(but, it's just [/u]a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
[font="comic sans ms"][color=navy][size=2][font="comic sans ms"][size=2][font="comic sans ms"][size=2][color=blue][font=arial][color=blue][size=4][font=arial][color=blue][size=4][font="comic sans ms"][size=2][font=arial][color=blue][size=4][font="comic sans ms"][size=2]
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- [font=arial]"Warning: May cause drowsiness."[/fon
#725
04-09-2007, 12:19 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: blueshark
Here's one for the girls.....
Texas hat dance.
[IMG]local://upfiles/2713/AFE5370FC67E4CC2B98B630FDF38EA7C.jpg[/IMG]
Here's one for the girls.....
Texas hat dance.
[IMG]local://upfiles/2713/AFE5370FC67E4CC2B98B630FDF38EA7C.jpg[/IMG]
Just hope these guys don't
tip their hats as they say, "Howdy, Mam!"
Ha, Ha!
#726
04-09-2007, 12:22 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: TopSpeed
Southern Hospitality-Airplane Style
Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a plane. One is a Yankee and the other, a Southern Belle. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So where y'all from?"
The Yankee turns her steely gaze to the Southern Belle and replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."
Silence ensues and the flight continues until a few minutes later when the Southern Belle again turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"
Southern Hospitality-Airplane Style
Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a plane. One is a Yankee and the other, a Southern Belle. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So where y'all from?"
The Yankee turns her steely gaze to the Southern Belle and replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."
Silence ensues and the flight continues until a few minutes later when the Southern Belle again turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"
#728
04-09-2007, 02:42 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Hit Television Shows in Iraq...
"Husseinfeld"
"Mad About Everything"
"U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
"Suddenly Sanctions"
"Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"
"The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
"Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
"Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
"Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
"The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
M*U*S*T*A*S*H
"Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"
"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"
"When Kurds Attack"
"Just Shoot Me"
"My Two Baghdads"
"Diagnosis Heresy"
"Everybody Loves Saddam Or He'll Have Them Shot"
"Captured Iranian Soldiers Scream the Darndest Things"
"Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"
"Totally Clothed Baywatch"
"Husseinfeld"
"Mad About Everything"
"U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
"Suddenly Sanctions"
"Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"
"The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
"Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
"Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
"Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
"The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
M*U*S*T*A*S*H
"Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"
"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"
"When Kurds Attack"
"Just Shoot Me"
"My Two Baghdads"
"Diagnosis Heresy"
"Everybody Loves Saddam Or He'll Have Them Shot"
"Captured Iranian Soldiers Scream the Darndest Things"
"Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"
"Totally Clothed Baywatch"
#729
04-09-2007, 02:45 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
New Years resolutions you can keep..
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
#730
04-10-2007, 10:59 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. [/align]
Oh ya, that's what I'll do!!!
Maybe get some stickers too!
A nurse walks into a bank. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says, "Well, that's great .......... that's really great......... Some a$$hole's got my pen!