The Bowtie Lounge
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before
him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but
apair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads: "If you
can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later,
huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he haslost 10 lb. as promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20lb program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands
the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his
life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around
her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me."[/align]Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in
excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does,
it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four
days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself to discover
that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50lb. program..
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone - "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies,"I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he
finds a huge, muscular, 6'6" hairy man wearing nothing but pink
running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:, "I'm Leroy. If I
catch you, you're mine..." [/align]
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before
him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but
apair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads: "If you
can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later,
huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he haslost 10 lb. as promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20lb program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands
the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his
life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around
her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me."[/align]Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in
excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does,
it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four
days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself to discover
that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50lb. program..
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone - "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies,"I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he
finds a huge, muscular, 6'6" hairy man wearing nothing but pink
running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:, "I'm Leroy. If I
catch you, you're mine..." [/align]
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
No Sex Tonight
I never quite figured out why the sexual
urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole
Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with
their head and women with
their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me." I said
"WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every man on the
planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional
needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.
" She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not
what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen
that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day
off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then
went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around
with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one
to take so I told her we'd just buy them
all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets
get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where
she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was
so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her
for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction
from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she
finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted
out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her
jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial
needs as a man, enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And
just when she had this look
like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why
can't you just love me for
who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight
either.
I never quite figured out why the sexual
urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole
Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with
their head and women with
their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me." I said
"WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every man on the
planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional
needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.
" She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not
what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen
that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day
off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then
went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around
with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one
to take so I told her we'd just buy them
all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets
get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where
she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was
so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her
for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction
from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she
finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted
out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her
jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial
needs as a man, enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And
just when she had this look
like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why
can't you just love me for
who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight
either.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: PAY2PLAY
Random Funny Picture:
Random Funny Picture:
Ya ever tried cleanin' one? What a mess. [
]I just blowmine off with a air hose, gotta be carefull though, or feathers will go everywhere.
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 383
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other
and says "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after
we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.
I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go
into the house; I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my
foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent the splashing sounds. I ease into
bed, and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong
approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and shout,
"WHO'S HORNY?"..... . And she acts like she's asleep every time."
and says "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after
we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.
I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go
into the house; I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my
foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent the splashing sounds. I ease into
bed, and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong
approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and shout,
"WHO'S HORNY?"..... . And she acts like she's asleep every time."
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 383
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A young guy from Kentucky moves to California and goes to a big "everything
under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Kentucky."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him a job. "You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After
the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did
you make today?" The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales
a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.64."
The boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell?"
The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him
a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing
and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine
Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.
"The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and
I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."
under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Kentucky."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him a job. "You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After
the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did
you make today?" The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales
a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.64."
The boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell?"
The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him
a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing
and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine
Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.
"The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and
I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."