The Bowtie Lounge
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Zambian Roulette
As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends.
As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, 'One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'
A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms.
'I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'
'Very well. Come with me.' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-naked bush women.
'Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a personal favor.'
'But my friend, where is the danger in this?'
Umballa replied with a toothy smile, 'One of them is a cannibal.'
As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends.
As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, 'One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'
A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms.
'I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'
'Very well. Come with me.' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-naked bush women.
'Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a personal favor.'
'But my friend, where is the danger in this?'
Umballa replied with a toothy smile, 'One of them is a cannibal.'
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Last Request
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Man Pisses in a Shot Glass
A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila.
After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,' I'd like to make a bet with you.'
The bartender replies, 'Sure I'm in a betting mood.'
So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can **** in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.
The bartender says, 'I'll take that bet.'
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.
After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, 'You owe me $1,000.'
The man paid the money with a big smile on his face.
The bartender asked, 'How come you're so happy?'
The man replied, 'You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.'
A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila.
After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,' I'd like to make a bet with you.'
The bartender replies, 'Sure I'm in a betting mood.'
So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can **** in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.
The bartender says, 'I'll take that bet.'
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.
After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, 'You owe me $1,000.'
The man paid the money with a big smile on his face.
The bartender asked, 'How come you're so happy?'
The man replied, 'You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.'
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: TopSpeed
Man Pisses in a Shot Glass
A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila.
After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,' I'd like to make a bet with you.'
The bartender replies, 'Sure I'm in a betting mood.'
I'll bet you $50, I can bite my right eye!
OK, let's see.
The guy takes out his glass right eye and gives it a bite.
I'll bet ya another $50, I can bite my left eye.
I gota see this!
The guy takes out his false teeth and bites his left eye!
O. K. I'll give you a chance to get even....
So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can **** in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.
The bartender says, 'I'll take that bet.'
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.
After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, 'You owe me $1,000.'
The man paid the money with a big smile on his face.
The bartender asked, 'How come you're so happy?'
The man replied, 'You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.'
Man Pisses in a Shot Glass
A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila.
After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,' I'd like to make a bet with you.'
The bartender replies, 'Sure I'm in a betting mood.'
I'll bet you $50, I can bite my right eye!
OK, let's see.
The guy takes out his glass right eye and gives it a bite.
I'll bet ya another $50, I can bite my left eye.
I gota see this!
The guy takes out his false teeth and bites his left eye!
O. K. I'll give you a chance to get even....
So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can **** in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.
The bartender says, 'I'll take that bet.'
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.
After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, 'You owe me $1,000.'
The man paid the money with a big smile on his face.
The bartender asked, 'How come you're so happy?'
The man replied, 'You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.'
Been a while since I heard that one!
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Labor Pain[sm=icon_beat.gif]
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
Could give a whole new meaning to...er......uh....."Eat Your Heart Out"!!!
(how's that for playin' it safe?
Could give a whole new meaning to...er......uh....."Eat Your Heart Out"!!!(how's that for playin' it safe?
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
with the addition, is how I heard it. Funny joke eh?
Been a while since I heard that one!
with the addition, is how I heard it. Funny joke eh?
Been a while since I heard that one!
ORIGINAL: blueshark
Labor Pain[sm=icon_beat.gif]
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Labor Pain[sm=icon_beat.gif]
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
What was the problem before?
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
