YEEEEEE......HAAAAAAAAWWW!!!!The South strikes again!!!!!!!

 

Bwaaaaaaahahahaha!! *thumps on desk* I LOVE IT, GUYS!

Ooooh Lordy, here's a funny one!
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Cat Hating Husband

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions."

 

Cats, amazin' little critters.
I like cats, but I did a similar thing with a stray. I ended up adopting the little booger. LOL

 

We're totally cat folks, bro. When I was a kid, we moved here in 1980. My mom was still alive, and she was dead set against anythin' bigger'n say 2lbs in the house... we had parakeets, that sorta thing... anyhoo, like, second night in town here after the move, we come home from dinner to find this lil' puddy tat sittin' in the driveway, all forlorn like....

First day, "No WAY we gonna feed that cat. NOT allowed in house."

Second day, "OK, a bowl of milk, she looks hungry, but NOT in the house!"

Third day, "OK, she's really hungry now. Some fish here, a nice big bowl of milk, some rubs... NOT IN THE HOUSE!"

Fourth day, return home after school to find cat in house.....

Needless to say, Tigger became one of the family, and as my mom became very ill and started her downward spiral, that lil' cat was one of the biggest blessings to her I can remember. Thank God for our furry lil' friends.

 

This one made me laugh....

 

This one cracks me right up!
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This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"

He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?"

She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."

Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss."

She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!"

She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?"

The bartender nods...yes.

"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

 

EEEEEeeeeeewwwwww[:'(] That's good!!! LOL

The next time the little woman says, " Make me feel like a woman!",
hand her a mop and a bucket of soapy water!

 

So, does a raw steak REALLY work on a black eye???

 

It's the 4" gash in the top of the head, from the mop handle, that you have to deal with!!!

 

Ah, yes, stitches!!! That's one of those things that if you know some dude who's a real jerk, you like to watch him try that. "Take yerself outta the gene pool there, Dr. Dimento!! Nice move."

Akin to drivin' yer car headlong at topspeed (pardon the pun) into a brick wall, if'n you ask me.

What could possibly go wrong????