The Bowtie Lounge
#521
01-12-2007, 03:58 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Red Ribbon Blue Ribbon
This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's ***** he'll roll over and stop snoring.
The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's *****. His snoring stopped.
Later on that night her husband is snoring and so she goes to the kitchen and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's *****, and he stops snoring.
The next morning her husband wakes up and looks at his dog and looks down at himself.
"I don't know what happened last night, but it appears we came in first and second."
This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's ***** he'll roll over and stop snoring.
The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's *****. His snoring stopped.
Later on that night her husband is snoring and so she goes to the kitchen and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's *****, and he stops snoring.
The next morning her husband wakes up and looks at his dog and looks down at himself.
"I don't know what happened last night, but it appears we came in first and second."
#522
01-12-2007, 03:59 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Shaky Arms Hotel
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in.
"What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in.
"What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
#523
01-12-2007, 06:52 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Made me think of the song, "Tie a YELLOW RIBBON 'round theol'OAK TREE!" Would that be 3rd, or 4th!
#524
01-13-2007, 11:15 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
AN INDIAN WITH ONE ********
There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one ********. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone..
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird ret urned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all
the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
And the moral of the story is?????..........................OH, come on...take a guess!
Think about it
(You're going to love this!)
And the moral is...
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!
There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one ********. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone..
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird ret urned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all
the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
And the moral of the story is?????..........................OH, come on...take a guess!
Think about it
(You're going to love this!)
And the moral is...
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!
#525
01-14-2007, 01:22 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Hi Everyone,
Glad you all enjoyed the math joke - I thought it was real funny, too. Here is one more, courtesy ofmy younger brother. Hope you enjoy it.
Sunday Morning Sex
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie wentstraight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and
comforther. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while wewere making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100-years-oldhaving sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advancedage, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just theright rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in onthe Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, andcontinued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck
#528
01-17-2007, 02:09 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Pink Floyd
The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die.
They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, "Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!"
David Gilmour replies, "Roger is here? When did he die?"
St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. "It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!"
The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die.
They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, "Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!"
David Gilmour replies, "Roger is here? When did he die?"
St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. "It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!"
#529
01-17-2007, 02:10 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Breaking the News is Worth a Beer
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve's body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve's wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.
"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me!"
"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"
"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve's widow. And, she said she wasn't, so I said I'd bet her a six-pack she was!"
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve's body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve's wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.
"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me!"
"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"
"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve's widow. And, she said she wasn't, so I said I'd bet her a six-pack she was!"
