The Bowtie Lounge
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: blueshark
Perhaps not politicaly correct but still funny.
[IMG]local://upfiles/2713/A17DFE0FB69F41AABD004386082290B5.jpg[/IMG]
Perhaps not politicaly correct but still funny.
[IMG]local://upfiles/2713/A17DFE0FB69F41AABD004386082290B5.jpg[/IMG]
Ahhhhh......soooo!
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Unfaithful Wives
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A Brief Visit to the Doctor
A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"
Again, the doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:
"Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!"
A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"
Again, the doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:
"Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!"
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and...
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?
Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.
Interviewer: How did you get that hook?
Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.
Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?
Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.
Interviewer: And that put your eye out?
Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?
Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.
Interviewer: How did you get that hook?
Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.
Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?
Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.
Interviewer: And that put your eye out?
Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Not to be offensive just humorous
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be
told, he is not all that experienced either.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the
sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to
be reassuring.
My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you
berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting
- juss anyting you want. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound
experienced, which he hopes will impress her.
She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want try
someting I hear about... numbaa 69".
In a puzzled tone he queries..."You want... chicken wiff
broccowee?!"
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be
told, he is not all that experienced either.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the
sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to
be reassuring.
My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you
berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting
- juss anyting you want. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound
experienced, which he hopes will impress her.
She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want try
someting I hear about... numbaa 69".
In a puzzled tone he queries..."You want... chicken wiff
broccowee?!"
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
One Advantage of Being Retired....
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make
their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a
cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired
person a break"?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a"****."
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second
ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care - I came downtown on the bus. The car that
he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It'simportant to my health.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make
their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a
cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired
person a break"?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a"****."
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second
ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care - I came downtown on the bus. The car that
he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It'simportant to my health.
