The Bowtie Lounge
#623
02-13-2007, 02:37 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Bubba and Tiny Go on Probation
Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week.
The exam was “fill in the blank” and the last question read, “Old MacDonald had a_____.” Bubba was stumped -- he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder. “Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed. He turned to Bubba and said, “Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM.”
“Oh yeah,” said Bubba, “I remember now.” he picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”
“You are really dumb, Bubba. that's so easy,” hissed Tiny, “farm is spelled ‘E-I-E-I-O’.”
Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week.
The exam was “fill in the blank” and the last question read, “Old MacDonald had a_____.” Bubba was stumped -- he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder. “Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed. He turned to Bubba and said, “Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM.”
“Oh yeah,” said Bubba, “I remember now.” he picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”
“You are really dumb, Bubba. that's so easy,” hissed Tiny, “farm is spelled ‘E-I-E-I-O’.”
#624
02-13-2007, 02:39 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
If Resumes Told the Truth
OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.
EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask
EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper *On/Off Repair Method HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament *Said Toast at brother's wedding *High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.
OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.
EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask
EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper *On/Off Repair Method HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament *Said Toast at brother's wedding *High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.
#625
02-13-2007, 02:41 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Golf Genie
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.
The wife asked, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"
To which she responded, "Three years."
The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"
To which she replied, "31 years old"
The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.
The wife asked, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"
To which she responded, "Three years."
The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"
To which she replied, "31 years old"
The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"
#628
02-17-2007, 10:48 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the [/align]passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" [/align]His reply, "I know - I already got that side." [/align]This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
__________________________________________________ _____[/align][/align]STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!![/align]
in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the [/align]passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" [/align]His reply, "I know - I already got that side." [/align]This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
__________________________________________________ _____[/align][/align]STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!![/align]
#629
02-17-2007, 10:52 AM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the [/align]river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the [/align]emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. [/align]
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the [/align]river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the [/align]emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. [/align]
#630
02-21-2007, 02:57 PM
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the [/align]passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" [/align]His reply, "I know - I already got that side." [/align]This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
__________________________________________________ _____[/align][/align]STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!![/align]
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the [/align]passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" [/align]His reply, "I know - I already got that side." [/align]This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
__________________________________________________ _____[/align][/align]STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!![/align]
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the [/align]river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the [/align]emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. [/align]
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the [/align]river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the [/align]emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. [/align]
Uh.
Nevermind. I know nothing of this event, I am completely innocent, it wasn't me.