The Bowtie Lounge
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
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RE: The Bowtie Lounge
How To Prepare Chicken...
A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Blonde in a Snowstorm
A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. 'If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.' Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, 'Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.'
A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. 'If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.' Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, 'Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.'
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Little Voice
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought 'how weird.'
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. 'What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?'
The blonde looked up at the man and said, 'Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.'
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought 'how weird.'
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. 'What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?'
The blonde looked up at the man and said, 'Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.'
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
I read, "How to prepare chicken" to my wife! She had to grab my desk, dropped to her knees, lost her glasses, and couldn't regain her composure for about 5 min. I don't know what was funnier, the joke or watchin her! Thanks Bro
, she needed that!!! Oh, by the way......
You've got mail!
(and stop followin' the snow plow
)
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
They walk among us, AND they reproduce!!!!!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"........
[/color]I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific.".......
I walked into a Blimpie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free"."They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.........
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. ........
[color=#008040]
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"........
[/color]I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific.".......
I walked into a Blimpie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free"."They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.........
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. ........
[color=#008040]
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
What's UP,?
There is a two-letter word that perhapshas more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?Why do we speak UP ,and why are the officers UP for electionand why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room,polishUP the silver, we warm UP the leftoversand clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fixUP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir uptrouble, lineUPfor tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UPis special. And this upis confusing:
A drain must be opened UPbecause it is stopped UP
We open UPa store in the morning but we close it [b][b][i][u][font="comic sa
There is a two-letter word that perhapshas more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?Why do we speak UP ,and why are the officers UP for electionand why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room,polishUP the silver, we warm UP the leftoversand clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fixUP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir uptrouble, lineUPfor tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UPis special. And this upis confusing:
A drain must be opened UPbecause it is stopped UP
We open UPa store in the morning but we close it [b][b][i][u][font="comic sa
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
ORIGINAL: C3 Starship
I read, "How to prepare chicken" to my wife! She had to grab my desk, dropped to her knees, lost her glasses, and couldn't regain her composure for about 5 min. I don't know what was funnier, the joke or watchin her!
Thanks Bro, she needed that!!!
Oh, by the way......
You've got mail!
(and stop followin' the snow plow)
I read, "How to prepare chicken" to my wife! She had to grab my desk, dropped to her knees, lost her glasses, and couldn't regain her composure for about 5 min. I don't know what was funnier, the joke or watchin her! Thanks Bro
, she needed that!!! Oh, by the way......
You've got mail!
(and stop followin' the snow plow
)
An' why is everyone pickin' on me for followin' the plow?? Sure, I'm gettin' dizzy here, and I *swear* I've seen the door to Wal-Mart 47 times now, but.......
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Saving Her Butt
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.
When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament. The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed."
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.
When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament. The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed."
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,091
From:
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Stinkin' Proof
One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog.
When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.
One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.
Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like poop!"
The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"
One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog.
When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.
One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.
Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like poop!"
The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"