The Bowtie Lounge
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Kermit the frog went into a bank.
The teller said "Hello, I'm Patty Black. May I help you?"
to which Kermit replied "Hi Ho, Patty Black, Kermit the frog here. I'd like a loan because, well I really need the money."
Patty said "Well, Mr Frog, do you have anything to offer the bank as colateral?"
"Not really" replied Kermit, "All I have is this figurine of Miss Piggy."
Patty chuckled to herself and said "Oh, Mr Frog, I'm sure the Bank couldn't possibly accept that as colateral."
"Could you please check?" asked Kermit, I really need the money.
Well Patty thought her boss might get a chuckle himself over this, so she called him & explained the whole situation. To her astonishment he said...
"Well, that's a nick-nack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
The teller said "Hello, I'm Patty Black. May I help you?"
to which Kermit replied "Hi Ho, Patty Black, Kermit the frog here. I'd like a loan because, well I really need the money."
Patty said "Well, Mr Frog, do you have anything to offer the bank as colateral?"
"Not really" replied Kermit, "All I have is this figurine of Miss Piggy."
Patty chuckled to herself and said "Oh, Mr Frog, I'm sure the Bank couldn't possibly accept that as colateral."
"Could you please check?" asked Kermit, I really need the money.
Well Patty thought her boss might get a chuckle himself over this, so she called him & explained the whole situation. To her astonishment he said...
"Well, that's a nick-nack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 114
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Top Ten Signs of a SUV Poseur
10. Thinks off-roading is going up his driveway.
9. Pays $30,000+ for a station wagon on a 4x4 pickup truck frame.
8. Thinks "roughing it" is camping at a KOA campground.
7. Dreams he is nearing the peak of a remote mountain whenever he drives over a speed bump.
6. Has sudden urges to follow other SUVs that are driving off steep cliffs.
5. Has a cell-phone in his SUV.
4.Orders an SUV with leather interior (bonus points for white leather).
3. Drives his SUV to the MALL.
2. Shifts into four-wheel-drive whenever the potholes in the city get too big.
1. Tells his friends that he has been off-roading when in fact he just drove down a gravel road.
10. Thinks off-roading is going up his driveway.
9. Pays $30,000+ for a station wagon on a 4x4 pickup truck frame.
8. Thinks "roughing it" is camping at a KOA campground.
7. Dreams he is nearing the peak of a remote mountain whenever he drives over a speed bump.
6. Has sudden urges to follow other SUVs that are driving off steep cliffs.
5. Has a cell-phone in his SUV.
4.Orders an SUV with leather interior (bonus points for white leather).
3. Drives his SUV to the MALL.
2. Shifts into four-wheel-drive whenever the potholes in the city get too big.
1. Tells his friends that he has been off-roading when in fact he just drove down a gravel road.
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,152
From: NC
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80mph, enjoying the wind blowing thru what little hair he had left.
'Amazing' he thought as he flew down I75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in the rear view mirror, he saw a State Trooper behind him. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing?' I'mtoo old for this, and pulled over, to wait for the troopers arrival.
Pulling up behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I haven't heard before, I'll let you go.
The old gentleman paused, then said 'Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, I thought you were bringing her back'.
'Have a good day, sir' replied the trooper.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80mph, enjoying the wind blowing thru what little hair he had left.
'Amazing' he thought as he flew down I75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in the rear view mirror, he saw a State Trooper behind him. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing?' I'mtoo old for this, and pulled over, to wait for the troopers arrival.
Pulling up behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I haven't heard before, I'll let you go.
The old gentleman paused, then said 'Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, I thought you were bringing her back'.
'Have a good day, sir' replied the trooper.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Tennessee Ten Commandments
Some people in Tennessee have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the Ten commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks in middle Tennessee got together and translated the "King James" into "Jackson County" language.... no joke, read on...
The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro,TN.)
(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(7) No killin'
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
Y'all have a nice day.
Some people in Tennessee have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the Ten commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks in middle Tennessee got together and translated the "King James" into "Jackson County" language.... no joke, read on...
The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro,TN.)
(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(7) No killin'
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
Y'all have a nice day.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
Answer all the questions before looking at the answers.
Who said it?
1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above
2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of thefew, by the few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity."
A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above
3) "(We) ..can't just
let business as usual go on, and that means
something has to be taken away from some people."
A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Josef Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above
4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to giveup a little b it of their own ... in order to create this common ground."
A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above
5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."
A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above
6) "I think
it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most
profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being
watched."
A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above
Scroll down for answers.
Answers
(1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004
(2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007
(3) D. None of
the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005
Be afraid, Be very afraid!!
Dale the Rebel with cause.
For those who chose to fight for it, life has a fulfilment the protected will never know.
If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you.
From the cradle to the hearse, there's always a day that could be worse.
Who said it?
1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above
2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of thefew, by the few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity."
A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above
3) "(We) ..can't just
let business as usual go on, and that means
something has to be taken away from some people."
A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Josef Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above
4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to giveup a little b it of their own ... in order to create this common ground."
A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above
5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."
A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above
6) "I think
it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most
profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being
watched."
A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above
Scroll down for answers.
Answers
(1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004
(2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007
(3) D. None of
the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005
Be afraid, Be very afraid!!
Dale the Rebel with cause.
For those who chose to fight for it, life has a fulfilment the protected will never know.
If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you.
From the cradle to the hearse, there's always a day that could be worse.
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,244
From: Reno, Nv.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your haircut, and we'll talk about the car."[/align]
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
[/align]After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studyingyour Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut."
[/align]The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible thatSamson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
[/align]To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?[/align]
His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your haircut, and we'll talk about the car."[/align]
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
[/align]After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studyingyour Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut."
[/align]The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible thatSamson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
[/align]To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?[/align]
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,328
From: Dickson, TN.
RE: The Bowtie Lounge
While he was “flying” down the road (10 miles over the limit), a man passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled him over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”
To which he replied, “I’m late for work.”
“Oh yeah,” said the cop, “What do you do?”
“I’m a rectum stretcher,” he responded.
The cop stammered, “A what?"
"A rectum stretcher?"
"And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” he said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”
Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
The Look on Cop’s Face - PRICELESS
The cop pulled him over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”
To which he replied, “I’m late for work.”
“Oh yeah,” said the cop, “What do you do?”
“I’m a rectum stretcher,” he responded.
The cop stammered, “A what?"
"A rectum stretcher?"
"And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” he said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”
Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
The Look on Cop’s Face - PRICELESS
